I was walking down South Congress when I realized that walking down South Congress made me lonely and depressed because my association with South Congress had to do with bad dates
and people who I desperately want to call me but who probably shouldn't call me … for my own good

And it reminded me of the time I was in town but didn't have anyone to talk to so I just parked my car
next to a church and listen to Protein Source of the Future … Now

And then that thought triggered some self-loathing because I don't want to pretend to define myself solely by the music I listen to or be so recursive as to mention other peoples songs within the lyrics
of a song that I'm now singing but after thinking about it I came to the conclusion that at this stage in my life I don't really have the luxury of having a purpose or being loved deeply by someone I love back

But to go back to the subject of the girl that wouldn't call me I had frequent fantasies about her but none of them were sexual okay, some of them were sexual but most of them were me imaging her showing up somewhere or bumping into her randomly when I drove into town for a movie or a show
And learning self-respect when it comes to interpersonal relationships can be.... pretty difficult and it often leaves me with the feeling that I'm just paying for my emotional development with a chance to be happy for a little while with someone I could love

And I know that I'm capable of grand romantic gestures that, honestly speaking would be pretty impressive but I don't want to put myself in that position with someone who probably won't appreciate me. And there are other factors to consider here like how she has a boyfriend. Oh yeah I don't think I mentioned that – she has a boyfriend. And nothing too incredibly inappropriate happened, but you know whatever. Now that I think about it, I get kinda resentful of the fact that I'm so easily manipulated, but life goes on and I'm not really interested in living in the past.

And I don't know how to fake this shit

It's just another of the many reasons not to mess with it

So here's to finding people that are worthy of respect

Here's to finding the next excuse for sticking out my neck