Find Me in Heaven and We'll Stab our Way Out

by David F.

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A compilation of new recordings of songs from my Soundcloud ( and a couple new things.
The Soundcloud I am currently contributing to is here:


released March 25, 2013



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Track Name: Such are the Ups and Downs of Rogues and Intriguers!
Don't you ever tell me what to do I think I'm doing fine

I know you think I'm fucked up but I think you've lost your mind

Will we hear each other's voice again or see each other's eyes

I've discovered I don't give a fuck it's all a bunch of lies


I think you're under the impression you can dictate how I feel

You could tell me all those secrets and I'd keep a straight face still

Don't you worry about ambition that's just something you give up

on the way to that attrition we all dread as we wake up

(people die from that
But I won't die from-)

When you told me we need secrets I just thought it was a kink
I guess I'm not half as good at you at knowing what you think
Because growing up won't ever be as satisfying as
Getting fucked when someone's mad at you, so stop with all this jazz

How can I know what you don't know?
How can you know what I don't know?
Lie to me x5
Just keep tryin' to lie to me
Track Name: Mumblesaga (or With Apologies to Jeffrey Lewis)
I was walking down South Congress when I realized that walking down South Congress made me lonely and depressed because my association with South Congress had to do with bad dates
and people who I desperately want to call me but who probably shouldn't call me … for my own good

And it reminded me of the time I was in town but didn't have anyone to talk to so I just parked my car
next to a church and listen to Protein Source of the Future … Now

And then that thought triggered some self-loathing because I don't want to pretend to define myself solely by the music I listen to or be so recursive as to mention other peoples songs within the lyrics
of a song that I'm now singing but after thinking about it I came to the conclusion that at this stage in my life I don't really have the luxury of having a purpose or being loved deeply by someone I love back

But to go back to the subject of the girl that wouldn't call me I had frequent fantasies about her but none of them were sexual okay, some of them were sexual but most of them were me imaging her showing up somewhere or bumping into her randomly when I drove into town for a movie or a show
And learning self-respect when it comes to interpersonal relationships can be.... pretty difficult and it often leaves me with the feeling that I'm just paying for my emotional development with a chance to be happy for a little while with someone I could love

And I know that I'm capable of grand romantic gestures that, honestly speaking would be pretty impressive but I don't want to put myself in that position with someone who probably won't appreciate me. And there are other factors to consider here like how she has a boyfriend. Oh yeah I don't think I mentioned that – she has a boyfriend. And nothing too incredibly inappropriate happened, but you know whatever. Now that I think about it, I get kinda resentful of the fact that I'm so easily manipulated, but life goes on and I'm not really interested in living in the past.

And I don't know how to fake this shit

It's just another of the many reasons not to mess with it

So here's to finding people that are worthy of respect

Here's to finding the next excuse for sticking out my neck
Track Name: Making Out with Bisexual Girls (with Angela S.)
Making out with bisexual girls
Making out with bisexual girls
You're at home and you're on the phone but I'm
Making out with bisexual girls

The music didn't seem that sweet to you
But maybe you just didn't have a clue
as to what it meant
as to what I'd spent
to listen to it face to face with you

Making out with bisexual girls
Making out with bisexual girls
It's my only goal, I can feel it in my soul
that there's nothing else that I would rather do

(whistling interlude)

I say this isn't what I want to do
And I just see what I want to see in you
My fingers in your hair
and we're sitting on a chair
that obviously wasn't built for two

And we both know she likes girls too
and we both know that's something she's into
But maybe she could be into me
Or maybe I'm just seeing what I wanna see
Track Name: My Artist Friends
I'm pretty damn jealous of my artist friends
and their limitless reservoir of creative energy
all the ones who can get things done and
make things happen and are
motivated to get through every day

I don't think I introduced you to that artist friend
who I know kind of but well actually not really
I mean we're friends on Facebook if that really counts
and I can't say we've even really had a conversation

But I'm so in awe of my artist friends
with their confident and emotionally distant personas
and lack of empathy for their fellow human beings
and their ability to write songs that don't go G D C G

(Like this... that's the chord progression.... that I'm using for this song)

I really think they're cool, though, my artist friends
you know the ones who can't emotionally commit to anybody
I mean you met one at that party but he kind of ignored you
and I think he was only there because
he heard there'd be coke

Hey let's all get together with my artist friends
my artist friends my artist friends
let's all have an orgy with my artist friends
and watch everyone masturbate simultaneously

I wish I could be like my artist friends
they have so many friends; I wish I had friends
But I don't know if I could call them my friends
I mean only because I don't know them that well, I don't wanna act like a hanger-on

But maybe if I was closer with my artist friends
I could be an artist too
and I'd impress you and I'd motivate myself
and lounge in my vast intellectual wealth

and take medication recreationally with beer on tap
and I could fuck you and never call you back

And people would like me and I'd be
kinda famous (start talking rather than singing) within certain circles I mean what are you gonna do
its not like everyone could appreciate my art
I mean the really deep stuff doesn't really speak to the masses
(trail off pretentiously)

My artist friends, my artist friends...
Track Name: Wanna Go Ride Bikes
They said write every song as if it were your last
and don't ever look to the past
to find out things we can find out right here right now just the two of us

But I stopped trying on the day that I was born
Wanna go ride bikes but I'm torn
because the air is made of knives
and it's not very good for my skin

I thought that I'd become a better human being
by getting close to other folks and learning what they mean

But all of your opinions
kinda make me sick

You misplace all your anger
and spew it out and hope it sticks

I don't wanna follow you on Facebook
because your life repulses me

I don't wanna follow you around
you're already way too close to me

I don't wanna get a fix I just wanna get it fixed
I just wanna make the things that I like
I wanna write songs that have nothing to do with the things that I wanna do in life

And right here is the only place I've ever been
But maybe I should begin again
Because this is not that great, it's not that great of a song.
Track Name: Illuminati Death Squad
I am not impressed by all your guilt or by your strongest smiles I

am holding out for a better human being to give my affections to and

You cannot apologize enough you cannot act like you are free

you cannot act like I was cool Or that you every really loved me

Because I know behind your timid eyes

lurks something from the dawn of time

One day I'll peel off the skin on your face

and lay bear your reptilian mind

And you can send your minions after me

that's okay I know they're everywhere

I know that they control the world

I know that they can kill with a stare

And I've been waiting too long, too long

for the fall of the Annunaki

But my chakras might be misaligned

Because these astral negative entities keep trying to block me

I'd surround myself with healing white light
In order to avoid your stare
But every dollar bill I spend
on the back; you're right there!

5 2 3 5 2 3 5 2 3
now what is it you see in me
reappropriation of occult imagery
Track Name: Anime Characters Slowly Repeating Each Other's Names as They Walk Away as a Potent Metaphor for Something
The very worst thing about trying to improve myself is that it just reminds me of you
And my imagination has exhausted all the scenarios involving other girls I could screw
That don't just leave me feeling blue

I wake up with songs stuck in my head that
remind me of that night we got into that fight we
never could do anything right\

And every time I meet somebody new
it just ends up as another set of songs that I can't listen to

Because they were written about me and you

Not thinking about your name and face all day is about as easy as avoiding the thought
of colliding with a stroller when I'm driving in my car
Oh my God, you're so fucking so hot

I suspect that I love you just like how I suspect some people I know were molested as kids
When you don't talk to me I can see my inner dying unexpectedly of SIDS

I'm trying to forget the way your eyes emit light like how Ancient Greek physicians thought
But that image lives inside my head now and it makes me so distraught

Goddamn you twenty one year old girls you do it to me every time
Run off and leave me just when I start believing that maybe you could be mine
in my fucked-up possessive mind
Track Name: G-g-g-ghost!
Why is it whenever I see your face
I don't actually see your face anymore

Last night I saw a ghost
hovering two inches above the floor

It's really scary to imagine that happening
When you get up and out of bed

But for some reason it was just kind of stupid
Encountering it outside of my head

I mean what could it want, want from me?
My theremin or my Playstation 3?

I think it dropped by to check me out
Because I'm pretty sure when I'm dead that'll be what I'm about

Come on spirits, come and take me away
I'm just haunting a two-room apartment anyway

Burn up my soul and bite up my legs
I can't even respond to that with rage

It may be just as well
if you take me to Heaven or take me to Hell

Because I can't write ghost songs like
The Unicorns or Neutral Milk Hotel
Track Name: I Love You more than Everything but Rap and Country
You're the best for me x3
Why can't anyone else quite see just how you are the best for me

Let's both go to the same damn clubs
hey, let's all take the same exact drugs

I'd never call your swallow tattoos lame

We subscribe to the same social justice blogs
We both think it's funny to reminisce about pogs

You'll always upvote my articles on r/atheism

Send me your favorite Rageface comics
Make me a mix CD with Arcade Fire on it

'Cause our love is pretty epic, I think

And when you get offended by
the way I look into your eye

I hope that you'll forgive me
for my masculine complicity in rape-culture

Occupy my heart tonight
I know that we'll keep up the fight

Let's snuggle up by our macbooks and listen to NPR

I wanna hug you 'til it hurts
in matching Che Geuvara shirts

You're more beautiful to me than Zoeey Deschanel and Joanna Newsom combined.

You're the best for me x3
Why can't anyone else quite see just how you are the best for me
Track Name: Skimming the Book of Life for Your Last Name
If it's not the best I'll have then
I am no longer interested
And I would never have to go through shit
like writing another song to someone who doesn't deserve it

And I'd tell you what I want
And you'd give me what I need
And we'd never have to fight
because it would be agreed
That you're the best I've ever had
That I would give myself to you
And you'd always wanna be with me
and I'd wanna be there too

It was two thousand thirteen
and the cardinals were convening
when you invited me into the woods
and it couldn't have been for anything good

But if you had been that elusive girl
upon whom I base my whole inner world

Then I wouldn't have to make up languages
with tenses for addressing unborn kids

And I wouldn't be so fucked up

'Cause I could finally believe
That I would never ever again
be consumed by this weird greed

Because it grabs me by the shoulders
and it rattles me inside
and your smile comes back to me
with the resurgence of a tide

It's a game I'll never win
It's a game I'll never lose
Because no matter what I see in her
It'll never look like you
Track Name: O Ronkonkoma! (with Angela S.)
I gave ten percent of my soul
so that your plane would get snowed in
and I'm way too post-modern
to consider that a sin

I wish I could time trave like in Animal Crossing
and we could begin again

But we can't even figure out the subway
and neither of us is actually an adult
and I wish that I knew more names of demons than I do
But I was never that into the occult

Oh Ronkonkoma
You're always so fucking far away
Cause we could see The Empire State Building
or we could stay in and watch more anime

I tagged your name ten times
and said it in the mirror
and sacrificed my guinea pig
and felt existential terror
And demons aren't that picky
but I still hope they'd pick me
because no one else goes shopping
for candy at three

Oh, New York State
Everywhere we go, we're always fucking late
And sometimes I wonder if you or I do anything
but the hours after midnight are the perfect time to sing